Retreat Blog

                                                      Picture taken during the retreat & at it

     For the past few days during fall break this year, our Ilima Intermediate leadership class was invited to go to an annual retreat program. Well firstly, you might ask, what is the retreat program? Well, as I said, it's a sort of annual event that happens for Ilima students (specifically those in the leadership class). It's basically a resort, or beach house, it's located next to the Kamehameha Hwy and is a relatively nice place with peaceful oceans and rainfall. The place was very relaxing besides the constant screaming of the other students within the same house and being next to the water was like a nice place to be stress free. The whole point of going to the retreat was mainly so you could bond with your peers, but it was also another reason that we were able to work and plan out somethings. The retreat mainly focused on building relations with people in your period, but also just everybody else (including the adults) in general. A lot has happened in the retreat, so I'm up to recapping all of it. We stayed for a total of 3 days at the retreat, and it all started on day 1 of Wednesday. Day 1 consisted of just unpacking and getting used to everything there. There were some activities on day one, like the Orientation, which is a play that the leadership class puts on directly reenacting a movie for 6th graders from other schools. Our current play was based on the movie Shrek, and on that same day all we did was learn the dance moves that everybody had to do. Later that day was some training for a dance specifically for the guys, some of it was learning the dance but most of it was just doing nothing. There were other activites there (specifically targeted to improving relations), like our individual and periods strengths and weaknesses. We shared it out and discussed it as a group and got to know each other a lot more. During that day was also "The Chop" that our period had participated in. The Chop is a cooking/baking contest in which each of the 3 periods have to work together to make their own sustenance in which the chaperones judge it. The winning period gets nothing except their time taken away to make something, but it still feels good to win I suppose. 2 periods had made their item on the 1st day, and the other 3rd period done theirs on the 2nd day of the retreat. Our period made mini pancakes, everybody had their own job to help, and I was supposed to do commentary. I suppose there were to many people to work on one singular ditch, so my group decided that I should just commentate. When I mean commentary, my job was to just explain what everyone was doing and what we were making. We made some mini pancakes, and I was very specific in my commentary. Every little thing they did I commentated on, and apparently my period got pissed off (who knew people didn't like the THING THAT THEY ASSIGNED SOMEONE.) Anyway, we didn't win it because our pancakes were too raw, and I sat there and did nothing. During that day we were also introduced to magic notes, which is essentially just some positive affirmations in a statement to encourage other people, I finished mine during the 2nd day. Reading all of mine was very nice and I can tell it works because it sorts of improved my self-esteem a little. I wrote all of mine Besides that, Day 1 was super chill and that was when I thought that this retreat was going to be easy and relaxing. So I went to bed, tired, and happy. Waking up into Day 2 made me realize that I should stop making assumptions to early because I was punched in the gut on the 2nd day. Day 2 went from something from bonding with others to instant hard work, and it was brutal. Okay maybe it wasn't brutal, I may or may not be over exaggerating it just a little. I think I was just extremely tired because I've never been this far from my home (that's not with my dad) especially with people I don't know that well. So, I was still super tired, I kept falling asleep when they were introducing us to upcoming events that we had to plan out. Speaking of which, that's what we had to do. With me and my period (along with the other periods), we had to plan out some of the individual events that were upcoming soon. Things like ISA or Book fair, our period was assigned the task of Door Decorating for both October and Winter. Door decorating is basically just decorating your door related to the theme, and the theme needs to relate to the season/month. After some debating, we decided that October's themes should be Urban/Scary legends & Phobias. And we decided December should be Winter Albums & Christmas tree. The winter one was fine but the October one was instantly shot down, due to phobias triggering people and urban legends being culture. We also had to work together on our communication and bonding. So, we came together and wrote down our individual weakness, and our group weaknesses. We decided how we could improve this by using a soccer ball as our way to improve our weaknesses, and a goal to represent what we want/our weaknesses. We also decided how we could communicate and bond a lot more, but so far, we didn't do the things that we planned. After that was the talent show/synchronized swimming. Let me explain what this is, the talent show (aka the cheer) is a dance that the students do, and the synchronized swimming is another dance, except its danced to "Baby Shark." We practiced during quarter 1 and our period leader decided I should breakdance, cartwheel, and stand on my hands. My reaction to hearing this was being naturally pissed off, it meant that I wasted my free time learning how to be... social and funny. She apparently wanted me to fall from my handstand and break dance. It sounded very stupid since I was the only one who had to do it, but I did in fact do it. We did win that, and I will single handedly say I carried it, but I will never do it again. Thanks to my period leader FORCING me to step out my comfort zone, it was embarrassing, and my self-esteem came to a cost for us to win. We also went into the water, but nothing happened besides me continuously drowning myself attempting to do a handstand and cartwheel underwater with a floatie around my waist because I'm just the smart. After that was day 3, which we didn't do much there. There was some more work, mainly focusing on spirit week. Spirit week is a whole school week in which students (and staff) dress up as different things per day. What they dress up as depends on what the topic is for that day, and the topic is determined from what the leadership students say. We all debated on what it should be with the adults judging us and telling us about the flaw with it. We were then introduced to what characters we were given for the orientation (the Shrek play), and they gave me the rule of Rumpelstiltskin. I asked the adults why they gave me it and they told me it was because I was short, which I took super personally. So, I'm sort of having second choices on the nice things I wrote on my magic note for the chaperones. During that was picture taking, which was, pictures, and there wasn't much to that. After that was just a lot of cleaning and packing up, when we left, I can't help but realize how much of a help retreat was to bond with my peers. It was also nice to not be on my phone, and to do something else once in a while. It allowed me to forcefully connect with people, and it worked in some sort of way. It was super helpful and although I was phone deprived, it was nice to be someplace new. It allowed me to bond and connect with people, and I loved to be in a nice and relaxing place (MINUS EVERYBODY SCREAMING). And I loved to be there just to relax.

    There's a lot of things that happened in the retreat, and there's been a lot of highs and lows, and things in the middle. So it'll go from lows, middles, and highs. One of the min lows was being phone deprived. It was unfamiliar to not have my phone, and I couldn't talk to friends, talk to my family, or just do anything that'll entertain me and help me stay up. So, I was super tired and exhausted the whole time there. Another low was how late we were forced to stay up and how early we woke up. I was so damn tired throughout that whole time there, that I would just be relaxing and laying down, and the second later I instantly went to sleep for an hour. I was super tired, and honestly if I had some extra coffee, it'd be fine. However, I only had one, so it lasted for only one day. Another low may have been how chaotic it was. Actually, chaotic may be an understatement. You never know how loud some of the leadership kids are, (Gabriel) with way too much energy, and when you see them tired and sad, you don't believe your eyes. You don't know how bad it is until it's about 10 PM and you try to sleep, then you hear the sounds of cards shuffling by the hands of someone who has way too much energy WHICH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I'd probably be peacefully reading and studying Japanese the first second, then some random people are screaming out loud for absolutely no reason. I remember we were cleaning outside, and while moving some palm tree leaves there was a giant centipede. All of a sudden everybody screamed and panicked. I thought it was an overstatement to a reaction, but then again, I really hate centipedes and bugs, so I don't blame them. If I see a centipede or semi-furry spider, I stay away from wherever I saw it. Another low was working, I know retreat is supposed to encourage responsibility, but like come on; it's break, I shouldn't have to debate about a new set of rules for the whole school on break. Then again, I just sucked it up and did it, because I'm not that much of an overdramatic queen or king. Or externally I'm not, but internally I am. Trust me, I cried at an 87% on a math test, but then again, I just sucked it up because my responsibility also relies on the group's effort in their work. The last low I can think of was the bugs, there were so many types of bugs I've never seen before, and there were so many ants. During the last day where all the food was placed in one area, a whole colony of ants came into the food and drinks. Everybody sort of panicked till the staff came in with ant repellent all over the food and wherever the ants went. If the sustenance wasn't ruined by the ants, the spray sure did. The insects were super annoying, because I could be randomly sleeping and then there's an ear wig trying to get into me. That didn't happen, but there were a lot of beetles that went next to me, so I just killed every insect I saw. Now onto things that went into the middle, communication is one of them. With the retreat, I communicated a little more, but it was like a heartbeat. For the 1st day I didn't talk at all, and for the 2nd day I was so extroverted and talked to everybody, then on the 3rd day I stopped talking randomly all of a sudden. As if somebody stuffed duct tape in my throat instead of my mouth. So, in some way, my communication slightly improved, and worsened randomly. I don't know what to think of this as, so it's in the middle. Another middle moment was the food. Don't get me wrong, the fries were great, and the food was good as well. However, I didn't eat about 50% of the time, specifically the desserts. NOT because I was picky but because I didn't feel like it. However, I was forced to eat most of the time because apparently malnutrition is a very serious thing. And now on the good side, aka the highlights, which was all the breakouts. What is a breakout? A breakout is essentially every period goign to different chaperones to learn something new or do a new activity. Although some of them were considered "work" which I supposingly, "HATED", all of it was still super fun to do, and it allowed me to bond with my period, and allowed us to come together and put our heads together. It also gave me a reason to be quiet if I felt to tired. Another high may have been bonding with everybody else. Obviously, I knew none of the people in leadership, so I talked to nobody at all. Mainly because I was super quiet and kept to myself, (also because I'm introverted and to germophobic to touch others.) The retreat allowed me to bond with others a lot, specifically with who I had to share the same room with, but also a lot of other people. It allowed me to form relationships and not keep to myself and read like a ner-. Another high may have been how I break danced. I will say I hated doing it in public in front of people, ESPECIALLY THE GROWN MF ADULTS AND THE PEOPLE I HAVE TO WORK WITH EVERYDAY. But doing it in private or in front of my dog is when I can put it to use. Finding out that I can break dance was really cool, and although I only learned how to do a coffee grinder, I may still have potential at least a little. The final high may be how I was away from my brother. I hope he doesn't read this and take it personally, but he's super loud and annoying when I'm at home. He gets pissed off easily and gets mad at my mom a lot for having to work 8-6 being mad tired and stressed. It annoys me and being away from him for 3 days is sort of relaxing. I hope he doesn't read this, and I hope nobody that knows my brother reads this. Another high may have been that it was just relaxing in general. I'm a big fan of the ocean and rain, in which the beach house offered, hearing the rain as I slept, or the ocean waves crashed as I studied Japanese. It was a good way to study and relax besides all the people screaming randomly for no reason and volleyballs being tossed into the ocean. Retreat was a mix of the bad, middle, and good. It was a good experience, and although I'm not a fan of it being on a break, it was still super helpful.

    There's a lot of lessons I learned there at the retreat, like who is so loud that they scream Justin Biebers lyrics while you're taking a shower, and who shuffles cards during 10 PM. However, there's also a lot of other lessons I learned. One small lesson I learned was responsibility, retreat showed me how while you're in leadership, you have a lot of responsibilities to share. It's basically getting you read for the real world, because you are going to find out damn well you ain't getting a break just because you overslept a little. You're always going to be busy, but you shouldn't let that get in the way of your regular schedule. You should also enjoy your life in a way, you should always get your work done, and if you're told to do something, you should do it. Responsibility is taking a part in something or living up to what you have to do. However, responsibility should be shown by all, you know damn well you don't want to have a group project with that ONE LAZY KID WHO DOESNT DO ANYTHING AND LEECHES OFF OF WHATEVER YOU DO. I'd know, because I wrote 10 pages worth of summary for a book while they couldn't even draw A PICTURE. So, you should enjoy yourself, but you also need to take your responsibility and work for what's right. The main lesson I learned was that you should never judge a book by its cover. No, I don't see others as bad people just by looking at them (that much.) I thought the leadership kids didn't like me (maybe they still don't I'm not sure) because I didn't talk or interact with anybody because I was introverted as hell and was too awkward to talk to people. Because of that, I thought they hated me for some reason, I always overthink, and I'm that one person who if I didn't say thank you or sorry to a person on accident, I'm going to think that they hate me. I also didn't open up that much besides accidentally saying that a certain relative of mine was "verbally abusive." And turns out, the retreat allowed me to bond with the people who I thought hated me, and they thought that I hated them. Who knew that we were both confused in the same way, it's how we were able to bond even more. So, I learned to never judge a book by its cover, because although you think something bad of someone or something bad you do. You sometimes just overthink about it and are just a bit over dramatic about it. I'm still improving on judging people (any myself) but I'm sort of improving on it.

    The reason of the retreat was definitely not by coincidence, it changed our schedule and improved our relationships completely. And I have the reason or knowledge as to why this is the case. The moral of this retreat was not by a random dice roll, and I'm going to over explain this. This retreat allowed us to bond and communicate with other peers. In fact, it actually works. It allowed me to talk to other peers that I normally didn't know or talk to, Like the GT people. Within the whole 3 days at the retreat, it affected the overall activity between other people. It allowed me to actually talk and share some sort of sign of communication with others. Compared to at school, in which I was super distant because I had some other source of entertainment like my phone instead of talking to people. Retreat allowed me to communicate and form relations with people unlike at school where I just stay by myself and keep to myself there while not even making eye contact with others. Retreat was a big help, and without it, I probably wouldn't be able to for connections with people I had no knowledge of.

    Hearing the chaperones, working, planning things, and breakout sessions benefited a lot of people, like the leadership students. It benefited me as well, it helped me to communicate, share my thoughts, and allowed me to express myself. Other things helped with this such as the blogs that I made expressing random emotions or feelings I have. It allowed me to share my ideas and actually talk to others. It let me be comfortable to do what I want, (aka studying in my free time without being called a NERD BY MY FRIENDS.) And believe it or not, I believe that this can improve how I am in the future. Communication and talking plays a big part in doing everything you can, you probably need to talk to people, either online or real life for help or just to keep yourself sane. But besides that, being at things like retreat may help me. It allows me to feel comfortable, and to express myself to others, even if I don't know or them or aren't ready, it allows me to exaggerate myself and my own thoughts. If I were to help students, the retreat would be a good thing. Why? Because it allows me to bond and communicate with people I don't even know. It lets me communicate, express, and just understand people in general. If I can do that with one person because of retreat, perhaps a whole group of kids won't be so different. Retreat is super fun and is improving me to be a more outspoken person, because communication is required in lots of things I want to do. Like go to college, or medical school, (or get a job.)

    Since we were first introduced to magic notes, I don't know what to feel about people complementing me or saying anything. Some of the compliments were oddly specific, I think somebody thought I was responsible for studying Japanese which I didn't get. However, I did appreciate it a lot. But one card did stand out to me a lot, and it was from Kenzie. She basically stated some silly stuff like how I was good at break dancing and how I should practice it, which isn't that noticeable. But the middle part is why I chose it. It's literally stated, "You shouldn't be quiet all the time, yes there is a time and place ofc. But you are funny when we get to know you." The last sentence I don't really mind, but the first one is the main point. All the notes stated I shouldn't be quiet and are sort of forcing me to step out my comfort zone. But I feel like Kenzie understands the most about my own personal feelings. Most of the notes consist of people telling me to just forcefully talk more, but Kenzie understands that I'm still a very introverted mf and I need to be slowly introduced to communication. But she also states that I should keep to myself if I need and don't need to constantly force myself, but to also talk and communicate once in a while whilst giving a reason as to why I need to do it. I think she knows how to respond because she experienced it as well, as we grew more familiar with each other, she stated that she also used to be super shy and kept to herself, and she wasn't as loud and extroverted until she grew to know the people in leadership. It's why it's probably my favorite magic note.